Love is in my Heart

I don't understand it either
Somehow I refuse to understand
And I'm confuse at the same time

I can't sleep
I can't breathe
I can't think

My world is spinning around
Am I slowly losing my grip?
And letting my guard down?

I recognise this feeling
I've been here before
But is it for real this time?
Will it ever last forever this time around?

Why does it have to be this way?
Why this feeling?
Why?

Why does it have to begin in the first place?
Knowing that it wasn't on purpose
Knowing that I can't stop now
Was I even prepared for this?

Is this what we call fate?
Or is it just another game?
To win & lose in the end?

Though I know it's gonna hurt me even as it is now
But somehow I can't help but feel good
Even if momentarily sparkle
Even if I know it could never be possible

I can't & I won't be a fool
But this is exactly how I feel
It's aching me inside
Am I out of my mind?

Sometimes I'm exhausted
Sometimes I just wanna give up
But I'm the only one who knows the real reason
Why I can't retreat just yet

If I could foresee the unknown world
Perhaps I don't have to go through this pain
Knowing that everything's gonna be alright

Why does it have to be you?

An illusion, a dream or reality....

Well, I've been abandoning this blog for quite sometime now....gee, how time flies...

I'm not quite sure myself why I decided to write something here today....

Perhaps, it's because of these wonderful words from a wonderful friend that I've found in my life....

Check this out.....

Quote:

No one knows why life begins and end…. Why do we live?

No one knows why people have soul…and even what human soul is.

What’s the point of speaking to myself without saying a word to the world?

Why do I feel this hurt for been away from the one I miss…inside of me?

Is it love? Is this hurt an illusion?

If it’s an illusion, how can an illusion hurt so much inside of me?

I believe in pain because I feel it… this pain its real so I guess I believe in illusions.

Unquote.

It's the most beautiful phrases someone had written to me. But somehow as of right now I don't want to believe in anything yet. We will never know what the future holds & I don't want to get hurt all over again. It's just too painful to handle all by myself. I wouldn't want to imagine myself going through the same pain & the hurt that nearly cost my sanity.....

No way, will I ever allow that to happen.....how much more for a guy who isn't worth my heart, my soul, my devotion, my endless love for him.....

Does anyone know what really love is all about?

Perhaps, when your heart aches for someone to reciprocate your feelings, you thought that's what love is...

Perhaps, because you want to fill this void inside you & you've found someone who can do exactly just that, you thought that's what love is...

Perhaps, what you painted in your head that he or she is the perfect match for you & you thought that's what love is...

Perhaps when you know he or she feels the same way as you do, you thought that's what love is...

So, what really is love??

I guess, it's a mystery that we could never really find out.....

I'll always be a student in life & for that I've learned, feelings alone aren't always the only thing to make one's relationship last forever....

Sometimes I wonder......

Many times when the one that you're yearning for is so far apart whom you can't touch or hold is the one that you think & feel you treasured the most....

But somehow when you get to the point where he or she is & will always be there for you.....we forget that we often take things for granted.....

We forget to cherish, nourish & nurture the relationship that we were once intensely in love with & that if we won't be able to have him or her.....nothing else matters anyway......

Love has blinded us for those still moments.......

We all tend to get caught up so much in every day life trying our mights to make ends meet that we forget to cherish the ones we love & all the promises are nowhere to be remembered....

Well, am I too got caught up with my very own fantasy world I'd painted all these years??

However, on the flip side.....am I wrong to want & decide to settle down for my own future & happiness??

Do I see any future anyway??

And am I being selfish for everything that he has done for me or am I too dumb to just throw away my youth & everything I have now or should I just give up trying & try to live happily when deep down I know I'm not....

We're given souls & life to live on this earth to be tested & to finally make the right decisions but most of the times we never pause for a moment what we really want in life.....

For now, life goes on.......

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care