All Of My Wishes - 2011

I wish the route I've been through was smooth and easy. There are a gazillion things on my mind right now that I find difficult to express my thoughts and feelings here. I wish I don't have to worry so much about my future. Am afraid that one day I've to leave this beautiful country which I've grown up all these years to be back in my birth country. I don't have anyone there except for my fragile mom. I miss her dearly but I've reasons why I rarely and probably never visits her every year. I wish all these years am able to meet the man of my dreams. The kind of man who not only understands what I've been through all these years but someone who succeeded in changing me into someone I wanted to be. I'd love to learn driving but I'm unble to cause I don't have any financial means. I wish when I met a man or a guy, I could finally settle down for a second time. I wanted so much to be someone's wife but finding the right guy to be with is not easy at all. It seems as though all the good guys have been taken and even if I go around town, no one seems to be interested to ask for my phone number. LoL! I've been dreaming and wishing all my life to be able to have a house I could call home but till am now almost nearing forty I still keep wondering and wishing. A girlfriend of mine once told me, a good person will someday find a good man. I wonder that too if it will ever happen to ne at all. It's not that I do not want to work at all in my life but somehow, I have this phobia which not a single soul knows anything about this. I'd love to bury and busy myself with things I enjoy doing and if I have to go out to work I need time to make my rusty and old machine *brain* to learn all things am lagging behind. I can't work if I feel stress, worrying and that feeling of apprehension.