Delicate affairs of the heart

For some unknown reasons I just thought that I need to let this out. If only these confusions that have been bugging me could stop momentarily. Wouldn't it be great!

It never once crossed my mind that one day I’d be facing with a heartbreak. As we got to know each other better I’m rather confuse as to whether I should follow my heart. On the other hand, it's yearning for something that I once thought I’ve found with someone but unfortunately, everything changed since that day. I feel at a lost now.

It’s been really an emotional roller coaster ride. Some things has left me emotionally scarred. But looking at the bright side, I should be thankful to Him. Yes, spirituality plays a big role in my life. Yet, I can’t deny this feelings I have. Try as I might to want to still believe. The fact still remains & perhaps it’s not so much of the past that makes me feel this way though it still hurts sometimes but it is the very one question that I’ve long been waiting for that makes me wanna reassess if the relationship is really worth it all.

There were times when I felt so hopeless when everything seems to be going the opposite direction. I wonder if I could ever find that happiness & true love in my life. A love that can weather any storms. It's different this time around when you have to consider your child 's happiness as well. It's a lot easier if you can just think about the kind of guy you want to be with but seeking a father figure for my kiddo is another thing! It's an uphill task.

Sometimes circumstances made it even more confusing that I doubt if this is the love that I want to be with. I just can't see how it's gonna happen anytime soon. I wonder if it's a waste to let go? Am I selfish?

It wasn’t easy to have to deal such overwhelmed mixed emotions all by yourself even more when you’re in a conflicting situation. I’ve learned that no matter whatever life throws their way at you, in the face of adversity I need to be strong for the both of us.

Just as my fingers were typing away, I remember a saying that goes something like this 'when you love someone it doesn't always mean that you'll be together forever'. Perhaps, there's some truth in that statement. Perhaps God has given me all the signs & answers but I've yet to react on it. Though I never stop dreaming of having the perfect family image that I've always carry in my head. The truth is life in itself isn't perfect at all. One thing for certain is, it isn't that easy to find that one person who could be both a true soul mate & a good father to your child. It's a very daunting task to say the least. Furthermore, try looking around there are many incidents of infidelity, betrayal & abuse to which I often ask myself, if someone truly loves somebody, why do these things happen every so often in today’s society? What does it take to have all the love & trust to vanish in a snap of a finger?

Life is full of twists & turns so much so that I sometimes wonder if I really am blessed with everything that I have now. Sometimes when you're blessed with a soul mate, unfortunately, he isn't the person you thought he'd be & when you're blessed with someone else in your life you're face with a situation you never thought you'd be at a crossroads one day. Will the promise ever come true?

Alright, enuff said. I don't want to get all carried away. I've been listening to this song over several times. I kind of fell in love all over again!



I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
.......
I don't know where
Confused about how as well