Story Of Our Lives I

We have nowhere to go & I thank God for we've survived another night. It's been 9 days since we vacated our rented home. The first two nights by the beach were harshed.Fortunately, I brought ablanket with us but even the blanket could not protect us from the strong cold harsh wind at night. Very often, we were shivering in cold all throughout the night. I couldn't sleep well on most nights. I have to watch & look up at the sky just to make sure that we won't be in for a surprise with the sudden pour of the rain. There were days and time when the wind from the ocen was blowing like a mad man. Just like today it started to become stormy during the day while I was waiting for my kid to come back from school. Anyway, on the second night, we couldn't sleep as the sky started to get very red. I knew it's just a matter of time before the rain starts to trickle. We have to find a shelter immediately. As the rain starts to pour at 3am & the strong wind blowing furiously, we waited patiently for the rain to stop; all the while shivering in cold while my kid lowers himself against a pack of bags that we had brought along so he could get some short sleep. It feels like the time is crawling very slowly. We had no choice but to wait for the drizzling rain to stop; while at the same time I was looking around for a spot where we could place our sleeping bag. The small sleeping bag meant for one person is the only thing we have besides the blanket to protect us from the harsh wind while we sleep at night. Most nights, we watch helplessly others set up their tents except for us. It breaks my heart as I look at my kid's face. We had to sleep very early around half past seven. This way we will be able to get some sleep as my kid will be going to school the very next day. Also, by sleeping early I just hope that nothing happens to our things that we have with us and after 9 days the back of my knee including both my knees are aching badly. My butt & the back of my body hurt alot as well as the side of my waist where the bone is.

During the day, I've to sit on the hard concrete for hours waiting for my kid to come back from school. At times I wonder how I manage to keep myself sane & stay emotionally strongdespite everything that I've been through so much in all my life with no one by my side especially when I need someone to lean on to when I need the most. All the pain & hurt that I've suffered has somewhat become so deep that at times I feel like I no longer have any emotions at all. Sometimes I no longer cry my heart's out. I become totally detach from my own pain & sufferings.But no matter how hard I try to be emotionally strong not only for myself but for my kid too, one thing that will certainly bring tears to my eyes is when I feel the loneliness that both my kid & I felt from time to time. Not having anyone especially a true real responsible, caring & loving gentleman for us to lean on. My heart aches each time I see happy loving couples with their only kid spending time together. The wife having someone to lean on for sure. Surprisingly, I don't envy her but all I ever feel is deep sadness, loneliness & emptiness. I've tried my best searching for a father figure for my kid as well as to fill up this empty heart but to this day I've found no one.....