Surviving Another Day

It has been 16 days now and I have been trying endlessly to get hold of my guy to get answers from him. It has been exhaustingly tiresome, extremely frustrating attempt trying to get hold of him to get back to me. All I could hear from the other end is the ringing tone till it went dead! At times, I just want to give up everything. I feel like abandoning everything that I have right now & just leave but how am I suppose to do that? How am I gonna look for a job with my situation like this? I feel so very furious, frustrated, exhausted, hurt & disappointed. I can't believe this is truly happening to us both...

I felt like I can no longer carry on living like this anymore. The days waiting for my kid feels so long & most days since it's the rainy season, I had to endure the coldness for hours & hours.I had to move around as I don't want people to know the situation that we're in although all I really need is a job which I enjoy doing. I know I don't have a choice. No one has a choice to be choosy when finding a job if he or she is in my situation but deep in my heart I'm holding to a glimmer fo hope that I can find a job that I do really enjoy doing so that I can be independent.

The story of my life is this, I don't really know why I kinda have a phobia just thinking about having a job. I know very well that I'm not a lazy person. I'm not saying this to make myself look good but it's a fact. I know I'm a hard worker at any given time or day. I know I am. Prior to this situation that I'm in now, I once worked in a factory & I never once try to delay or try to rest even for one minute. It wa a 12 hours job. However, I hated the job, the work environment & the fact that I never had to work that very long adds to my phobia even more. I remember when each morning while I was in the moving bus all that was in mind was to lift my legs & ran as far as I could but I know I can't. No matter how I hated the job I had to face reality. The job lasted me almost a year which is 9 long gruelling months. On top of everything that I had to go through although I was really doing ok on the job but since I trusted nobody I had no real friends to support my back as there are often rumors & back stabbing among the workers. How am I suppose to understand what the senior are talking among each other when they're talking in a language you don't understand at all.

Anyway, I've to go now & I will continue this story at a later date.